Our daughter, Allison, will be eight months old coming up in early April, and it’s an interesting exercise to look back and try to process exactly what these past eight months have been like.
In some ways, it feels like it’s gone by so quickly. It’s hard to believe she’s about to be eight months old. She’s showing more of her personality with each passing day and is starting to hit new milestones on a weekly basis. It won’t be too long before she’s moving about the house and her mother and I are chasing her around everywhere.
While it does feel like it’s gone by quickly, she has left such an indelible imprint on our lives that it’s nearly impossible to picture life without her, even though she’s been here for such a short time.
Becoming a parent has changed my perspective on many things, but it’s really impacted my view on God, his sovereignty, his love for his children, and quite frankly, has highlighted in my mind a lot of the shortcomings I have as a person.
Am I living the type of life that is going to model for my daughter a biblical pursuit of a growing relationship with Jesus? Am I taking care of myself well enough physically to help ensure as best I can that I’m going to be around for her? For her children? Am I modeling for her what it means to be the leader of a household and to love her mother well every day? Am I seeking God for his counsel on what’s best for me, my wife and my family?
Sometimes, the answer to those questions in my life is yes. However, I’ve found that too often the answer is no. I’ve even found myself at times thinking ‘Well, she’s only a baby. You’ve got time to grow in those areas.’ But see, the thing is, you don’t just grow because you want to grow. You grow when you put in the time and effort to be intentional about improving in those areas.
I’ve always known that the love the Lord has for us is impossible for us to fully understand. After all, sending his only Son to die for us on the cross when we were the ones who deserved death is a type of love that is just incomprehensible. But I don’t think I’ve ever fully grasped that incomprehensibility until Allison was born.
The love that you have for your child changes you to your very core. It’s a different type of love than any other relationship you have in life. I remember being overwhelmed by it when watching her come into the world and it’s grown since then. To know how much I love my child….and to then realize that love pales in comparison to how much God loves me….I just can’t fathom it.
I’ve always been comforted by God’s love for me. Through this process, even as I’m typing these words, I’m infinitely more comforted by how much he loves my daughter. I am woefully imperfect. I say things I should not say. I do things I should not do. I think things I should not think. And quite frankly, I have really dropped the ball in my spiritual life since my daughter was born. I am not growing like I should be. And I want that to change.
As good of a father as I hope to be for my daughter, my hope is that she grows up to know that despite my immense love for her, it’s nothing compared to the way her heavenly Father loves her. I want her to know that there will be times where I will fail her. I will not respond to some situations the way that I should. I will let emotion or pride or ignorance get the best of me. Her heavenly Father will not.
I’m thankful that God is present and wants to be a part of my life. I’m thankful that God wants to be involved in helping my wife and I raise our child. And I’m thankful that, despite my stubbornness and my shortcomings, God is still always looking out for me and what’s in my best interest.
I think about a lot of things now as a parent that I never used to think about. How do I raise Allison up the right way in a world where it’s seemingly harder to do that than ever before? What sort of example am I setting for her with the way I live my daily life? How does my work life affect my relationship with my wife and daughter? How do I make better decisions with my diet and lifestyle to be as healthy as possible for as long as possible?
I’m reminded that God, before the foundation of the world, knew about me. And he knew about my wife and my daughter. He is sovereign over all things, and he is the one who orders my steps. That is, perhaps, the biggest comfort any parent can have. It’s my job to lean into God and trust his sovereignty and be willing to let the chips fall where they may after that. It’s something that I’m trying to work on every day.
The Unshakable Foundation 